Monday, December 10, 2012

The first snow

Caught up in the never ending small personal office drama I forgot to look around and be happy for I have and for what surrounds me.

Yesterday evening I went with my hubby to the movies, we saw the beautiful Cloud Atlas. The movie is great, deep and has beautiful put in place scenes. I truly recommend it. It got me thinking to the eternity of human soul and the lives that we pass together with others until we learn/solve what we came for. The movie has a great way of showing how souls come together from life to life to fall in love again and go through the lessons that they have to learn together and how this karmic cycle repeats itself until each soul has learned the lesson and got free from the cycle. This sort of thinking gives life a whole new perspective and makes us pay more attention to everything that happens to us as all experiences are part of what we are supposed to learn here and also brings the nice thought that death is just "a door" to a new room, as one of the characters puts it. I found this movie revealing.

After the movie ended we went out for the parking lot just to see beautiful snowflakes coming from up above. There was no sign of snow during the day so the enchanting view was a magical surprise. It was beautiful and the feeling inside was beyond words. It made me actually see what the world is about and how I need to get through my issues faster and not let them capture me as I am losing sight from all the beauty while captive in my mind.

This morning I woke up to a beautiful snow blanket, the air was crisp fresh, the view was white and light-y, I felt amazed. If this is not beauty than what is?

I felt compelled to write this today as I personally went through an internal struggle for the past few weeks and I felt emptied after I managed to raise my head out of it. Now I am light and joyful and amazed by the wonders around me.

I hope you feel this way as well. There isn't a more beautiful reward than the peace of the mind and soul after you understand...

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


How do we feel about being away from home, being away from our beloved, our roots?

I feel that each time we leave our home, be that for a business trip or other reasons, the established patterns are broken. In a foreign place we feel compelled to behave differently and our daily habits are somehow put aside automatically to make place for the new routine. Ne place new routine.

I am just wondering just how good is such thing? Most of the people around me say that small distance from time to time from you daily life always brings novelty, come with a range of feelings that make worship more what you have and when you come back you are still in the worshiping mode for few days. than everything comes back to normal again.

I cant help but ask why do we behave like that? Why is it in our DNA to cherish things after we miss them and we we cannot do that all the time? Why do we get bored or why do we stop showing our half that we care deeply about him/her in daily base? The love we have is supposed to be the same if travelling or not so why don't we show it like we do when we are away?

I am today away from home and miss my husband, house, cat like hell. I normally show my wife-y love as much as I can but when i am away and come back the only thing I do is show love. I want to promise myself to act like this all the time but I am sure that this will not happen. But what I can do is try to show more of that than I usually do. I have been away many times but however it is this time I am mature enough to realize and push myself to not b taken in my the routine.

So here I am...

Saturday, December 1, 2012


As we stroll through life we often get caught in our small urban life dramas, most of the times forgetting the purpose of life itself and even the things that matter the most. All we do matters the most you might say and I am not the one to judge or question that, I am trying to shed light in my small brain related issues and actually focus on what is to this life that makes me happy or what is to this life for me to learn, experiment?

The past period I have been so caught up in my job drama that I somehow allowed it to take control over my entire thinking. You might say that the job is an important thing as we spend there more than half of our lives and for a certain amount I tend to agree. However I believe it is our personal ego that gives the job more credit than it actually has and it takes from us more than it deserves.

In my long crazy quest to understand why I don't get the pleasure that I used to from my job I missed the signals that I was getting from around me. My husband was unsuccessfully trying to set me back on the track, my body was giving some pain signs and I was blind to all.

We left for the mountains yesterday in a small getaway. I happily packed thinking if leisure days, no work thoughts, no questions. Ad by the end of the day I got struck by terrible pain, my entire body was under the pressure of bloody headache, stomachache and some other aches that I even forgot. I strongly feel that was my body's way to bring me back on my normal, cheerful self and I got to remember how much more important things life is all about. Health  could easily be the most important one, than the love for your better half and all the others that are in your life, the pleasure that you get by reading a book, by catching up with friends or my telling your mom a secret - for me all these things use to matter the world, however they all faded away in my small drama.

I thank my body now for its reaction, for the pain as it has waken me up from my dizziness. I have decided to accept what I am going through and understand why things are happening the way the are. I have applied for few jobs that i found more interesting and I am now curiously and modestly waiting to see what will happen. Will i get a  new job? Will I stay here? I am accepting for possibilities as each one is bringing a new understanding to me. If i move than what I was supposed to learn, experience here is done, If i stay it means that my roles here is not over.

Accepting the experience is never easy but when you do that wholeheartedly you reach to a new level of understanding  an interior peace that has no great words to describing it. I accept. I am happy. I understand.

And I am waiting...

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