Monday, February 3, 2014

What is better: dating or moving in?

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I was having a talk the other day with my girlfriend over our relations and generally how they start and evolve. It came to the point were we concluded that in our times we just don't date anymore.
I mean, I have moved with my, back then, boyfriend from the first day we decided to be together (long story to be told some other time) and she has moved with her boyfriend quite quick also.

In my experience skipping the dating part brings the drama part much faster. We are talking about 2 people that have made a (un)-conscious decision to live together from day 1 and they, just from that point, really start to get to know each other. You learn what he is like, the small things that he loves or hates, how he drinks his coffee and tea, what he likes for breakfast and how he reaaaly likes to make love. In the same time you realize what kind of person he is, what he does that you don't like, what compromises you can make and which are your boundaries - and all of this too soon.

While dating you do have some time to go out, talk, pay attention and get to understand more the person you are with. However I believe that the real sides only come to full light the moment the 2 of you share the same air for longer periods of time. And I also believe that these move-in relations are the ones that require the most hard work and also pay off the most if you manage to overcome the issue that appear along the way. From the point where you just know and just feel your partner, what you have built together it is as strong as a rock. However never taking anything for granted should be the main rule, as an un-nourished relationship dies like an un-watered plant.

So actually I believe there isn't a good or a better way as we are all so different from each other and there are no standard recipes when it comes to relationships. But I do believe that you have to work in both cases as you tend to attract and be with those people that mirror you the best. So if I end with a man that doesn't give me the attention I need, if I am being truly honest with myself and search deep inside of me, I will only realize that it is me who is not paying attention to myself - I strongly believe that looking at your man will first show what you lack inside. And for me this is the most valuable lesson any relation can teach me - to show me what I lack to know and understand about myself. With this lesson learned, with nourishing myself where I need, I become a more complete person - and in my belief this is what relationships should bring, no matter their type.

For you, what is better? To date first or to move in?

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